It’s ok to fall
I’ve done this too many times! I am tired of rising again. When it is ok to let go? Never? I know thai is stupid, i should ne grateful for all the good things in my life, and in a way I am. I truly am.
Fuck it. I don’t care. I don’t give a shit. Life is just a place of hard top little paid jobs, unsatisfying relationships, abusive people, pains both mental and physical. Fake smiles. Clamourous pictures, that makes you look ei fucking perfect. I hate this uneven life, where others get easy life, and others need to strugle every single Day. And I do know, my life ain’t the bad One in that scale! I do realize that. And it makes me sad and sick. I had no right to complain.
But I hate my body, that reacts in odd ways in ”normal” situations. I hate to my flashbacks. I hate to remember ali those shitty experiences. I want those out of my mind! I hate therapy, i hate it, cause there is (or should be) safe to feel. And I just hate feelings. I hate all the emotions. I wanna be a smiling robot, that was so much more simple. Now my emotions are lightning the bonfire, and I don’t know how to control them, how to be with them.
